The research I did for the first Doctor of Ministry program I attended had proved to be really important to several people, even though because of deep sudden conflict with my advisor I opted out of that seminary program, it helped people. The topic was:
“Ritual, Pastoral Care, and Women in Mid-life Transitions. I had studied the importance of ritual in marking the passages of time. I addressed the various transitions, the way the church responded, the role of clergy, the tools for helping women create a meaningful ritual and understand how God is moving through all of this.
The professor had been very supportive as I started the research and he liked the original paper I presented as the underlying theses. It was a 3 page summary of what I had come to know and how I intended to explore and study the questions. I had written up a particular ritual that I had done with my mother in law, Gladys, after a divorce of 47 years of marriage.
After working on it for several years suddenly when I went in for a check in with the professors they attacked the whole premise. (Even though I brought I a current copy of MS magazine dedicated to women and ritual and its importance). Suddenly my style of writing was questioned. I had written papers for this professor for four years and he never had questioned my style. They wanted me to add in a chapter on Feminist theology, though this was 1996 and there were volumes already published on that topic and it wasn’t really part of the paper topic. But it was the moment when they said, “You say that these rituals and transitions resonate with women. What the heck does resonate mean anyway?” “I’ve never heard that word before.” I knew at that moment that they wouldn’t finish this with me. They were setting me up to fail although 97% of this was completed.
The real turning point came though when I least expected it to appear. I was a chaperone for the PCUSA Youth Triennium. One evening during a chaperone meeting we were introducing ourselves around the circle. I said my name. A woman pastor from across the room shouted, really she shouted, BOBBIE MCGAREY, BOBBIE MCGAREY! ARE YOU ‘THE’ BOBBIE MCGAREY? THAT PAPER YOU WROTE ABSOLUTELY SAVED MY LIFE!”
We made a plan to talk after the meeting. Here is what I found out. She had been going through a very destructive, traumatic divorce and was really depressed. She went into talk with one of her professors, one of my advisors, and he said he had a wonderful paper he thought would help her. He got my 3 page paper out of his files, made her a copy and sent her off.
He had done this at least two times. Copied my paper and recommended it, copied it, and gave to someone. This was without my knowledge or my permission. I only found out from her. The part that made me most angry was when I confronted him of what I knew from the people who received the paper, he flatly denied it and appeared affronted by my accusation, But I knew from the people who had it in their hands.
When I was talking with the woman who first disclosed her having the paper I told her I knew nothing about it being circulated. And yet, I am, I know, very happy that it had worked it’s power for her. She said it really had saved her. Seriously. What more could I ask. I mean if my unpublished work could have that power I should be both grateful and affirmed. Though two men had not seen it’s value. Women did.
God meant it for Good. And for that I thank God. I also have plans to finish it and share it with the world.
God abides,
bobbie giltz mcgarey.
@07.08.2020, Raton NM
The Spirit Will Tell You 