Marks of the True Christian
9 Let love be genuine; hate what is evil; hold fast to what is good; 10 love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not lag in zeal; be ardent in spirit; serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; persevere in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; pursue hospitality to strangers.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be arrogant, but associate with the lowly;[b] do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God,[c] for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 Instead, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink, for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
To be true I have a love/don’t love feeling toward this passage. I have tried in my life to live by these suggestions. They have been to me like the Big 10 in the Old Testament. But there comes a time when a situation calls out for some very real confrontations.
One of the tricks, I think, about being a minister is that when you are confronted with a problem about you it is difficult to defend yourself. Ok, here’s an example. I was visiting my daughter’s school in elementary time and the mom of a friend of hers, a member of my church, came up beside me. I said hello and she lit into me. “Just because you work doesn’t mean that you are special or have a better way of being mom. My daughter was telling your daughter that I made her dresses and your daughter said, “Well my mom can’t she works.” My daughter was really hurt. I heard her say it.
So suddenly I shifted from Mother of your daughters friend to being really mad at her. I could have said, well that and I don’t sew. I said I’m sorry if it felt like any kind of put down of you or your daughter. I think it was an innocent response stating a fact. Her reply was a huff! And she sped on ahead of me to the meeting. We did not sit together.
All during the meeting, which was dry, I thought about this and wondered how I could have countered it. I realized that some of the well thought out replies would have most likely just made it more intense. Still I also knew that I couldn’t really be honest about my own feelings. And, if I am really truthful there were times when I envied her being able to be home and sew dresses and do things with her daughter that I really didn’t have time to do with ours. Oh we gave the kids a lot of time, it is why we worked part time, (only in theory) so we could have time with the kids.
About two months later my daughter and her friend signed up to do a project together. The mom called me up and told me she knew I was busy with the Easter season at church and she’d love to help the girls if that was ok with me. She said she’d pick them up after school on Tuesday and Thursday and they could work on the project. Great.
Our daughter came home just gushing about what they had done, they had gone to a museum and then to the library to find books about the topic and then went home and got a big piece of paper and write down their plan and what they wanted to do and…and…and… Wow, I told her, that’s great. What fun.
Thursday came and she and her friend were together again and they began to execute their plan. However, friend’s mom had great ideas too. Our daughter came home and said that her mom had really worked with them and that she had great ideas and they had done what she said and it looked good.
I was feeling guilty that I hadn’t been able to help out, to participate.
The final meeting on Tuesday came and our daughter stayed with them at dinner and they finished the project. When she came home she was really quiet. I thought she was just tired. I went into her room before she fell asleep and she said, Mom, I like the way you help more than my friend’s mom. I paused, feeling pride, and then asked why. She began to tell me how the mom had helped by doing what she wanted to do and not really listening to her or her friend and she said I was afraid to say no when she brought up ideas. It looks good but now like something I would have done. I still felt happy. My daughter was smart and creative and she could do projects her way just fine. It’s not that I wasn’t around to help if there was a problem. But I wasn’t the one doing the project,, she was.
I’ve tried to remember that with my grandchildren. Some days I am better doing that than others.
Still I remember…I like the way you help.
God abide
Bobbie Giltz McGarey
@07/19/22
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The Spirit Will Tell You 