Last First

The Last First since.

Thanksgiving is this week. It will be the first thanksgiving since Mom, Gladys T McGarey, died. Add to that her birthday is Friday, she would have been 104. She died in God’s good time. Too soon as far as my heart says.

Firsts and grief go hand in hand. I recall telling people it was their Last First…Thanksgiving, Birthday, Christmas, New Year….

When my Daddy died in April my Mom came from living on her own to our house for Christmas. I watch as she visually got more and more sad. Finally after dinner was done she went into her room. I followed her. She was crying. She said, “I know it is crazy but somehow I thought he’d come back at Christmas. I’m not loosing it Bobbie…it just seemed like the only possible thing was that could come back on Christmas.

My Sister in Law Analea died in Mom’s arms the Sunday before thanksgiving about 2 am. At 4 pm that evening we had her memorial service. I was asked by mom to lead the service and preach. Somehow by the grace of God we held the service. Many of the siblings were already in town as we had gathered around her days before she died. Several family members also participated, reading a poem and scripture. I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours but that rush of energy that comes sometimes in times of tragedy had jumped in and carried me through. Everyone had had their time to grieve. But it wasn’t my turn yet.

Thanksgiving week was ahead of us and Mom said she wanted a traditional meal with the family around the table. So that seemed to be the plan. I had asked several times if there was any part of the meal that I could cook, sides, or vegetables or whatever. No, I’ve got this.

To be honest i love cooking Traditional Thanksgiving Meal. Even if it was for 25. As a minister we’d often have large groups of folks to our house asking people to bring whatever dish they traditionally had on their home tables. We got some great offerings.

Well Monday, Tuesday, passed by I know I offered at least once more to help. No.

Wednesday our daughter, who had cooked thanksgiving with me many times had to return to school so we took her to the plane. On our way home, sad because of all that had gone before and having to say goodbye to her, we entered the grocery store and called home to ask if there was anything that was needed for the dinner, more butter, rolls, etc.

John had made the call. He came back to say that the person who was supposed to cook the family meal, that Mom was counting on, they weren’t going to be able to cook. They were too sad.

Standing in the Safeway when John told me this was the only thing that prohibited me screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration and anger. There was no time for that! 25 for dinner in less than 24 hours, Maybe we should just go out for the dinner but the cost for that many people and the unlikely chance we could get a reservation the day before over whelmed me.

We will do this. We called the house and said we would cook.

We wanted to get a good priced turkey. Oh sure they were discounted…but frozen like a rock and didn’t have time to thaw and cook. So we were trying to figure out what to do and John asked the Deli if they had any cooked turkeys for that many…no all the prepared ones were sold. But she did have three medium sized ones. They were the kind that were ready to finish in the home oven for an hour…already 1/2 cooked. We bought three. We bought all the other fixings, sides, and goodies and went home. I sat down with a pen and a paper and made a plan of what had to be cooked…when. I cooked what I could the night before and got up at 5 to coordinate the rest. Oh and did I say we had two ovens to cook everything.

. Before we ate, Mom had gathered us in the living room and had us hold hands and she prayed a beautiful prayer of thanksgiving for all of us gathered there but especially for the spirit of Analea that infused our life with love and hope and joy and who we were all missing terribly. She would have cooked this meal if she had been there.

Miracles happened and planning and partly cooked turkeys, and we had an amazing dinner. Mom thanked me over and over, for years, for cooking that meal for the family because we all were sitting at the table to a delicious meal.

A couple of the siblings chipped in on the cost of the food which really helped. Some came over early to help cook and get it all together. It was a triumph. I was so thankful. I was so exhausted and still really sad.

It was the Last First Thanksgiving without Analea. A time, that even with a touch of drama, had worked out.

So I say to you now if this is a First Thanksgiving with out someone you love. Remind yourself of the memories, laugh, tell stories, remember the ones missing as you are gathering warmth in your heart. And please please please be gentle with yourself.

Remember Love is the finest ingredient in every family, apply it generously and often.

God Abides, and I thank God. We miss you Mom. Everyday.

Bobbie Giltz McGarey

November 22, 2024

YouTube…. Listen to a song from the Civil War era… We will meet but we will miss him.