Author: bobbiemcgarey

Some years ago my mother was living with us and she fell. Broken hip. Some dementia. Fragile.
she went in for her hip surgery. It was fine but it was clear we couldn’t care for her at home anymore. We made arrangements for her to be transported directly to nursing home. It was easier to get into nursing home from hospital. How was this going to work?
Mother would do almost anything my husband John would say. Not for me. So we determined he should be with her and ride with her to the nursing home. We explained the move. She didn’t object.
She was transferred in an ambulance. John held her hand. At one point she looked at John and asked if she had to do this ( move)? Yes. We can’t take care of you at home. Ok.
I went to the office. The church was about two blocks from Sunshine Terrace. I waited till they had her settle, John would call. I finished the bulletin and went to wait in the car. And cry.
Was this the right move? Was this the right time? What would my Daddy say? Her sisters said this was what needed to happen, I bathed in their blessing.
I picked up a theology book from the seat next to me in the car and began to read. I can’t quote verbatim but I can recall the theme: mercy Katherine Doob Sakenfeld

The meaning of hesed in the Hebrew Bible
by Katharine Doob Sakenfeld. Mercy was doing an act, can be lifesaving, for someone who doesn’t even know they need it. It is a saving act. Often the very act that God uses on/with us. I recognized in that moment that what we were doing for Mom was an act of mercy. A peace came to me. Then I had an overwhelming sense of my fathers blessing to do this for Mother. The tears abated.
john called and I drive down. We hung the picture of her siblings and spouses from a PineHurst trip they had taken years ago. We brought her recliner the next day.
Mother has her 80th birthday there and shhhh john when he announced she was 80. ( A southern lady doesn’t tell her age!).
She adapted well. Always pleasant. She died Christmas Eve about 15 days later. That’s 24 years ago.
I wrote Professor Sakenfeld a letter thanking her for her book. She wrote a lovely note in return. The next year I was in India for Christmas.
I look for acts of mercy even now. Deep sigh.

Rev Lawson preached at the memorial for John R Lewis ,

“let us then recommit our souls, our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our strength to the continuing journey to dismantle the wrong in our midst, and to allow a space for the new Earth and new heaven to emerge.”

This is a link to the whole speech. https://www.democracynow.org/2020/7/31/john_lewis_funeral_rev_james_lawson

This would make a good mantra for the day…or perhaps the week…or maybe till we get out of 2020. But there is work to be done, dismantle the wrong and make space for the New Earth and New Heaven to emerge. We can fill the world with a new way of loving God by loving others. Finding ways for justice to be the dominate rule of law could be one of our tasks. Finding ways to dismantle the patriarchy, another task. Seeing each other as the beloved child of God. Living the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Loving God. Calling out racism, and all the other ism’s and making right what you can. Can you add some?

And it is for all of us. For those who have privileges it is even more a commission.

Ready. Now. Let’s go together

God Abides,

Bobbie giltz McGarey

2020.07.1978

Another July thunder evening has come to let us know

The season changes and this one brings the rain

“Faith, a journey for all” by Jimmy Carter

Both at my inauguration and when I received the Nobel Peace Prize, I quoted my favorite teacher, Miss Julia Coleman, who summarized her advice on how to accommodate the uncertainties in our future: “We must welcome changing times, but cling to principles that never change.” I would say that “cling to” meant “have faith in.” I have thought often about Miss Julia’s advice over the years, and especially during some of the most trying times of my life, when I had to decide which enduring principles should be applied to a particular event or situation. p. -16

These days we hear about normal, the new normal, if only things would go back to normal, this behavior isn’t normal…but it is. Perhaps we should say it’s the Now. What Miss Coleman was reminding us was to hold fast to what Is good and true. We need to know our solid ground. Where do we plant our feet? Where do we anchor our hearts?

I think it is important to have an anchor. I have always to have found the scriptures as my anchor. I turn to the psalms often times and find both comfort and encouraging words. Words that convict me of the need I have to be of service.

Find that ground for yourself and the whole world.

God abides, bobbie giltz McGarey

General biology at Ohio State in 1966 had a real innovation , lectures that were on tape, I have no idea the numbers of students took the open freshman science class. In 66 they were limited only by the numbers of labs they could provide because the lecture was taped. Played on tv screens in a big lecture hall. Almost every hour during the day.

Dr Jim Haub was the lecturer. I knew him since I was a child because my Daddy also taught in that department. He had a wry clever sense of humor. I clearly remember one lecture he started out with him looking under the podium and looking suspicious. He started the lecture and would occasionally checking under the podium.

Finally he said, well I might as well tell you there are wild and animals under here and I want to make sure that they don’t escape. He said wild animals were animals not handled by humans. He said these had been isolated from humans. Finally he brought them out. It was a shoe box sized box of leopard frogs. He poked at them and of course they jumped. He jumped back.

I learned something from him. You can make anything exciting and holding the attention over a bod of frogs.

At the end of the term the afternoon before the final I walked in my dorm and a guy saw my zoology book and asked me if I was taking zoology. Yes. Want to buy the exam. I said let me look at it. I looked, it seemed legitimate. I turned it down. I had a real dilemma. It came down to want a fair shake when it came to the exam. I finally got the nerve and called him, I said I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble.

Dr Haub, I said, when I came into the dorm a guy offered to sell me the exam. Hot damn, he replied, they found it. He said he’d had the final in his car trunk for three weeks. He left a fake mimeograph in the trash. He asked me not to tell anyone.

I went up and was happily studying when a friend came up having bought the exam and was sharing it with me. I said well let’s look over the questions so we can see how they are worded and then go back to our books and notes. That’s what we did.

When I got into the exam room I could see more than one student filling in the answers without reading the questions. Apparently they had studied the exam and what they knew was AACBCCABBB…. there were a ton of students who flat flunked, all surprisingly with the same sequences. Karma

Just remember the sequence for each page, I got an A. I was so proud. I’d deserved it. My buddy got a C which made her really happy.

Karma

Sometimes these “days” I feel like I am treading water. Like i am peddling and working but getting nowhere…some days barely keeping my head above water.

Waiting.

Waiting?

The research I did for the first Doctor of Ministry program I attended had proved to be really important to several people, even though because of deep sudden conflict with my advisor I opted out of that seminary program, it helped people. The topic was:

“Ritual, Pastoral Care, and Women in Mid-life Transitions. I had studied the importance of ritual in marking the passages of time. I addressed the various transitions, the way the church responded, the role of clergy, the tools for helping women create a meaningful ritual and understand how God is moving through all of this.

The professor had been very supportive as I started the research and he liked the original paper I presented as the underlying theses. It was a 3 page summary of what I had come to know and how I intended to explore and study the questions. I had written up a particular ritual that I had done with my mother in law, Gladys, after a divorce of 47 years of marriage.

After working on it for several years suddenly when I went in for a check in with the professors they attacked the whole premise. (Even though I brought I a current copy of MS magazine dedicated to women and ritual and its importance). Suddenly my style of writing was questioned. I had written papers for this professor for four years and he never had questioned my style. They wanted me to add in a chapter on Feminist theology, though this was 1996 and there were volumes already published on that topic and it wasn’t really part of the paper topic. But it was the moment when they said, “You say that these rituals and transitions resonate with women. What the heck does resonate mean anyway?” “I’ve never heard that word before.” I knew at that moment that they wouldn’t finish this with me. They were setting me up to fail although 97% of this was completed.

The real turning point came though when I least expected it to appear. I was a chaperone for the PCUSA Youth Triennium. One evening during a chaperone meeting we were introducing ourselves around the circle. I said my name. A woman pastor from across the room shouted, really she shouted, BOBBIE MCGAREY, BOBBIE MCGAREY! ARE YOU ‘THE’ BOBBIE MCGAREY? THAT PAPER YOU WROTE ABSOLUTELY SAVED MY LIFE!”

We made a plan to talk after the meeting. Here is what I found out. She had been going through a very destructive, traumatic divorce and was really depressed. She went into talk with one of her professors, one of my advisors, and he said he had a wonderful paper he thought would help her. He got my 3 page paper out of his files, made her a copy and sent her off.

He had done this at least two times. Copied my paper and recommended it, copied it, and gave to someone. This was without my knowledge or my permission. I only found out from her. The part that made me most angry was when I confronted him of what I knew from the people who received the paper, he flatly denied it and appeared affronted by my accusation, But I knew from the people who had it in their hands.

When I was talking with the woman who first disclosed her having the paper I told her I knew nothing about it being circulated. And yet, I am, I know, very happy that it had worked it’s power for her. She said it really had saved her. Seriously. What more could I ask. I mean if my unpublished work could have that power I should be both grateful and affirmed. Though two men had not seen it’s value. Women did.

God meant it for Good. And for that I thank God. I also have plans to finish it and share it with the world.

God abides,

bobbie giltz mcgarey.

@07.08.2020, Raton NM

Not only do we miss hugs, we need them.

Physical affection reduces stress by calming our sympathetic nervous system, which during times of worry releases damaging stress hormones into our bodies. In one series of studies, just holding hands with a loved one reduced the distress of an electric shock.

“Humans have brain pathways that are specifically dedicated to detecting affectionate touch,” says Johannes Eichstaedt, a computational social scientist and psychology professor at Stanford University. “Affectionate touch is how our biological systems communicate to one another that we are safe, that we are loved, and that we are not alone.”

So as I was reading through the news I found this in the New York Times. These two paragraphs affirmed what I have been thinking as I think of those who are isolated from their loved ones. And a hug is a two way conversation.

When I was little I got plenty of hugs. At night I hugged one of many stuffed animals who were my snuggle buddies. I would, each night, assign my dolls and animals in order to how much I wanted to hug them at positions on my left or right. It was a complicated process.

Right now my most favorite, Flossie, is in a box in the storage unit. That freaks me out a bit.

So perhaps what we all need is somebody or something to hug. Pressed right there…over your heart…we all need somebody to hug…

God abides with you

bobbie giltz mcgarey

7.5.2020

    I was traveling by myself to India for a conference. I left from DFW to Atl. To Paris to Delhi. 

    I got on the flight to Atlanta without any problem. That is the last part of this story that worked out as planned. 

I had over 2 hrs in Atlanta before the flight to Paris. Plenty of time. We sat on the tarmac in a Dallas for a long delay while a bad storm had closed Atl for over an hour. When I arrived in Atl I had 40 minutes. The international concourse was the farthest out. I took the train to that concourse and ran toward the gate. As it got close to boarding, ( no time for food) they said to have your passport ready. I reached into the pocket of my travel vest and what should have been my passport was my checkbook. I found a corner and dumped my backpack…found it. My seat was tucked in a corner cramped in but I was on the plane. We left Atlanta late… when we arrived in Paris there was 30 minutes till the flight to Delhi. It took forever to deplane as you got off into a lift that took too long. I had 15 minutes to change concourses… it looked grim. By the time my pod got us into a transport I stopped looking at my watch. About 10 of us had slightly bonded and ran..full put..ran to the gate. Pretty airport. There was our gate…there was our plane.. they had just closed the gate and there was no chance they would open… but there are 10 of us all off the same plane delayed by weather, No no go to the re-ticket window, We did. A snobby lady at the front of the line gripped and finally they said we will put you up overnight and you will be on the next plane tomorrow. O Great I said well all do that… no.

They took our tickets and passports. Then they came out and said. Come with me we will put you on a flight to Bombay and you will get to Delhi the next day . Come now with our passports in hand she us thru the airport. I kept asking how can we inform our families of our change of plans… just get on the plane. We did.

I got on and the flight crew was wonderful and since I’d been so cramped on the first flight I was really sleepy. I went to the back of the plane and talked to the flight crew. I explained that the 10 of us who were moved on to the plane late were to get to Delhi but we had no real information is there someone we could talk to. The Burser on the flight was named Bobbie, I laughed said that’s my name too. I gave them my seat number…And Bobbie came by. I asked about arrangements, we’d be put up in a hotel in Bombay overnight and on an early flight to Delhi. There would be an agent who would meet us and take care of us. They dubbed us “ The Delhi Group”. We would Arrive about 10 am. Really only 12 hours later than we were supposed to.

I thought if something happens to this plane we will all just disappear. I had no hope about my luggage. 

True enough they announced the Delhi Group should form to the right of the hall once we exited the plane. They got us thru customs. It was however now about 1 am in Bombay. Our flight to Delhi was at 6:30. I couldn’t see how we would have more than an hour in an actual hotel room. When I asked the agent she said I see that. I asked if there was someplace we could go in the national terminal and wait. The whole group thought this was a good ideal. I said we are also really hungry. They walked us over to the national terminal and took us into the restaurant. They said we could stay there and order whatever we wanted. I became ‘the white woman’. I was the only non Indian in the group. When we went to order they asked me what I was eating I said whatever you are eating. We had a feast. The group helped me find the computers and phones and I got in through to my cousin to tell her what was going on. She said she I wasn’t on the flight they checked with the airlines who said I hadn’t even gotten on in Atlanta… so I was lost for that time. I emailed everyone else to tell them I was ok.

The restaurant has padded benches along the side and we could stretch out and sleep for a couple of hours. What a fine group of folks.

    We got on the plane in the morning after a quick breakfast. I arrived as I had said. Our luggage would come in that night at 11 pm we could get it the next day. 

    My family happily greeted me!!! Whew. 

    Picking up the luggage is a whole new story for another time.. 

there you go

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